I know what you're thinking. If he hasn't changed the date on the calendar since May, he has to be crumpled in a heap by the desk, long-dead, covered in dust and rejection slips.

And you'd be right. Except for the dead part.

Several months ago I shook off my cartoonist skin and left the husk behind.

You can find me naked and newly-exposed here.*

In the meantime, if anything catches your fancy at Nobrow Cartoons, let me know. The shop is still open, even if the shopkeeper is moonlighting elsewhere.

*No actual nudity.

Selling a cartoon isn't easy. Selling a cartoon with an esoteric joke is harder. And selling a cartoon with an esoteric joke that doesn't understand what it's joking about is nearly impossible.

This morning I was looking at this cartoon, drawn several months ago, but still unsold.

The idea of replacing EFFECT with AFFECT seemed like a good one. The joke is that the guy only APPEARS to be experiencing the Placebo Effect; AFFECT meaning to put on an appearance.

On a sadly belated whim, I looked up the meaning of AFFECT. It doesn't mean what I thought it meant.

Affect

In order to understand the correct situation in which to use the word affect or effect, the first thing one must do is have a clear understanding of what each word means. According to yourDictionary.com, the word Affect means:

1. To have an influence on or effect a change in: Inflation affects the buying power of the dollar.
2. To act on the emotions of; touch or move.
3. To attack or infect, as a disease: Rheumatic fever can affect the heart.

On the bright side, I don't need to look up EMBARRASSING.

Here's another Neatorama design. Note the snazzy trick of fading the colors as the woman freezes.

I'd be reluctant to wear this t-shirt myself — I suspect I might qualify as the zero — but if you're on the receiving end, here's a shirt to keep you warm.

My Moon Hates the Beach cartoon is featured at Neatorama in its new, more populated, glory.

Here's a closer look.

In the original cartoon, only the moon was disturbed by the unscheduled tide, and the water was his problem. The lone onlooker was untouched (sight gags are often funnier if there's a witness.) I thought it would be more interesting if the moon's influence affected everyone. And in the re-draw the moon's personality changed from milquetoast to Mark Heath; wary curmudgeon; enjoying the beach, but not too much.

By the way, I'll send a Spot the Frog sketch to the first person who can identify the cameo appearance of one of my strip characters. Here's a clue: it's not the beach ball.

This seems like a good idea. Hallmark plans to offer postage-paid postcards. A compromise between the ease of hitting SEND, and the satisfaction of getting something in the mail that isn't a bill.

I wonder if greeting cards are next.

And speaking of postage. I mailed a 9x12 envelope yesterday. It contained a letter-sized sheet and a postcard. According to my electronic scale, it weighed 1.1 ounces. I financed the expedition with a pair of stamps.

Instead of dropping it in the mail box, I took it to the post office. I had another envelope going to Canada and I didn't know the rate.

The clerk weighed the stamped envelope. 

"It's already stamped," I said, enjoying the rare feeling of self-sufficiency. 

"You only need another forty-four cents."

"Huh?"

"There's an extra cost for non-standard envelope sizes."

"It's not a standard size?"

She turned it around in her hands to emphasise its lack of standards.

Said the clerk, "I guess you haven't mailed one of these in a while."

Starting in the eighties, I mailed 9X12 envelopes so often I could predict their weight and postage by eye. I knew what a batch of eight cartoons would cost to mail, with or without a paper clip — plastic or metal — a tearsheet, the SASE. I slapped stamps on the envelope with a card dealer's precision.  I knew the weight of a cardboard sheet slipped into the envelope to keep it flat, whether it was  salvaged from a spent pad of drawing paper, the packaging of a new dress shirt, or bought in bulk from a print shop. I knew the weight of the extra ink if I signed a cover letter and added a P.S. I knew the weight of the paper if it was damp from a muggy day. When I strode into the post office lobby, I was a colossus. The little people made way. The mail wasn't my hobby, or a mere public utility. It was my business.

And now, thanks to years of email and ftp and the hemi-decade of drawing Spot the Frog, I didn't know the cost of mailing a standard non-standard envelope.

When the clerk said, "I guess you haven't mailed one of these in a while," I felt a hundred years old. Lost in a land that had once been familiar.

I often feel lost when I sort out new technology. It's a rare feeling to be lost when I sort out the old.

Every once in a while I'd write a Spot the Frog joke that was inspired by my life, or at least my mirror. Sadly, this was one of them.

As with Moon at the Beach, this illustration began as a single-panel cartoon. I'll be sending it out as a postcard.

After a lifetime of punchlines and captions, it's an odd feeling to draw in support of someone else's words.

Look, Ma. No caption. This cartoon — I mean, illustration — is a recent promotional piece.  You can also find it as a t-shirt at Neatorama.*

*The cartoon began at American Scientist Online, then spruced up a bit and appeared in the shop at Neatorama; then as a promo with a greater beach population, and will eventually replace Neatorama's more sedate design. It's also in the mail as a greeting card design, and, as it began, and forever will be,  a single-panel cartoon.

Now that some time has passed, I can say with a minimum of blush that I love this cartoon.

As the saying goes: it's funny because it's true.

By the way, I've been asked why I draw my suns that way. I'm pretty sure I stole it as a kid from a Chuck Jones cartoon, but I'm not certain. I stole a lot back then. Artist as kleptomaniac.

Another cartoon is up at American Scientist. Take a good look at this image of a strange-headed man with his wallet. He'll be a smudgy dot when you see the cartoon. Another slap in the face for this put-upon gentleman.